I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
