Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
