im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
