you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
