I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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