I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
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