When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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