dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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