Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
