Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
