im having a threesome with these popsicles
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
