If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
