i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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