I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
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