Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Randomize
