My girlfriend figured out who you are.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
