five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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