Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
