everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My dick has a subreddit
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
