I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
