I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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