Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
