there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
