somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
