Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
