i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
