i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
