I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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