I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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