why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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