Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
where does the pee come out of this thing
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
