Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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