Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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