alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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