my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
