White coat. Heels.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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