the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
