I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
