if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
