please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
