Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
