Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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