What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
