Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
