just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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