I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
