I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
