So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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