Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
