I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize