I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
