i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
