Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize