i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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