i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
