I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
