when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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