Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She tied me up with her honor cords...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
