I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
