Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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