If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i wish my penis had a tongue
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize