i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
