dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
