for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
