Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Randomize
