Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
