your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
