I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
