the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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