You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
