My room smells like vodka and shame
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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