it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize