Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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